Struggling

Struggling to keep up with life this week. I haven't done much of what I had planned. That means no blog posts (obviously), little homework read, etc.

But I have done something more important. I've done a lot of cuddling with my babies. I've enjoyed the kicks and apparent dance parties this little one inside me partakes in at all hours of the night. I've enjoyed just existing. Which has been nice.

But I'm so, so tired.

Exhausted, really.

I read some comment this week about how you don't get much sleep at this stage of your pregnancy because your body is getting you ready to be up all hours of the night feeding the baby.

I'm calling BS on that one.

I think my body should be allowing me to SLEEP while I still CAN.

Please, please, please. Just a little sleep.

My eyes are closing while I type this.

35 weeks along tomorrow. I feel like the little engine that could...

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

5 more weeks. I can handle 5 more weeks. Sure. No problem. 5 weeks. No biggie.

I'm probably going to cry now.

Just a few more weeks...

I wonder what it is going to be like...

To be 5 instead of 4.

I get annoyed because I can't sleep anymore and bending down to pick things up hurts, and why can't these kids put their stuff away? Or at least not in the walkway?

I feel huge and I'm cranky and emotional and why does this seem to be taking forever?

Then I think about my oldest. How incredibly creative she is, and full of life, and oh so sensitive! I miss her baby days, her chubby little feet and hands, her head full of curls. Her cuddles, her "mama, hold you!" when she wanted to be held, how her smile just lit up the room. It still does, in fact.

Then I think about my baby boy. How much fun he is! He plays and imagines and creates these incredible worlds that he just dives right into, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, he'll invite me to join along. He's starting to slowly move away from being my baby, and my heart aches for just another cheek-to-cheek hug, just one more nap in my arms. He still adores me, and I'm holding on to that with everything I have.

Then I think about our new baby. What will she be like? Will she have curly hair like her sister, or straight hair like her brother? Will she have blue eyes like me and her siblings? Or will she be like her dad and have green eyes? Will she want me to rock her to sleep like her sister did? Or will she only want her daddy, like her brother did?

I know one thing for sure, she is going to light up our entire world. She's the missing piece we didn't even know we were missing.

So even though I am incredibly sore and tired and just so over this whole pregnancy thing, I remember that I felt this exact same way when I was pregnant with the other two. And more importantly, I do remember that once I hold that baby in my arms, I'm going to forget about this moment when I feel so overwhelmed that I want to curl up and cry.

I got this. Just a few more weeks.

~ linking up with Just Write

Happy New Year!

Another year has come and gone. It's amazing how slow life seemed when I was my daughter's age, and how terribly fast it is flying by now!

This coming year is full of so much anticipation. Work changes, home changes, and the biggest change of all? Our littlest girl will be making her grand appearance in the next few months!

I crave to make so many changes in my life, in the life of my family. Health changes. Food changes. And so much more.

I want to be present in the moment, not wondering, planning, thinking, stressing about something else.

I'm going to be giving up something I love doing so much for something that I love even more.

It's hard to let go.

But its so exhilarating to move on!

I will cherish and treasure the moments, the people that mean so much to me.

Happy 2012 to everyone!

It's All Good

I grabbed a book today, not that there is any free time to read it. I just wanted to escape. Feel free for a minute. Forget the world that feels like it's crashing down around me.

I read the first three pages and I was bored. So much for that.

I guess, really, I don't want to escape. I just want to slow down. Breathe easy. Let my heart slow down for just a minute. Relish in the good, where I can find it.

But it's all around, isn't it? Despite the bad, the ugly, the horrible. There is good. Lots of it.

Smiles. Cuddles. Hugs. Husband making dinner. A few extra minutes of sleep in the morning. Clean clothes. A fresh roll of toilet paper when I thought we were out (SCORE!). Toys on the floor. Smiley faces on homework assignments. Blankets pulled up tight. Heartfelt, thoughtful comments on facebook. Little baby kicks.

It's all good.

~Linking up with Just Write

Curveballs

I wasn't prepared for the news I got this morning.

My van was stolen.

The van that I planned to drive my entire family around in. The only vehicle we have that can safely fit three carseats. The van that was full of boxes and bins from our recent move. Boxes and bins that were full of the sentimental things I didn't want to just throw in a moving truck. Pictures. My wedding dress. Meaningful baby clothes. 

The van wasn't stolen because it looked like there was a bunch of goodies in the back. Nope, because it was MY van, there has to be a great story to it!

My van was involved in a multi-city crime spree. 

Say wha?

Yup. You read it right. Somebody stole my van, after attempting to steal my brother's car and not being able to get into it, and took it for a little joyride, stealing rims and ending up a couple cities over, presumably in a ditch.

Only in my life.

We don't know much right now, other than they did find it and had it impounded, but it's under a hold because it's evidence. I have to call the detective in the morning. I'm praying that maybe some of my stuff is still in the van. I'm also praying that it's not as damaged as the officers hinted at.

So, the bright side?

Everything that was in the van was just STUFF. The van itself is just a physical THING. My kids were not in the car. I wasn't in the car. My mom, grandma, and brother, who were mere feet from where the thieves were (my van was at my mom's house), are all safe. It could have been so much more.

Thankfully, it's just the van. 

It still feels like I've been violated. Not in the same way it did the last time we dealt with this. Oh, yeah, we are professionals. My husband (then-boyfriend) came to visit me at my college dorm several years a go, parked his car in the street, and it was stolen that night. He did get it back, but it was demolished, the thieves had taken everything. He just left it at impound. I remember the day his car was stolen, I was so scared that something like that could happen right outside my window.

I'm feeling especially bad for my mom, grandma and brother tonight. The safety they should feel in their own home has been taken away. I mourn my stuff, but here at my house, everything is okay. It's just a different feeling.

I cringe thinking about what horrible things these people could have done while using my van. I just pray they didn't hurt anybody. 

When my husband's car had been stolen, we had seen on the news shortly after making the police report a car that looked exactly like his involved in a high speed chase. It ended up not being his car, but we laughed and laughed that it would be our luck to have something stolen and then see it on the news. We had no idea that we'd have another car stolen one day, and this time, it really was involved in more crimes!

I'm just so grateful my family is okay. My heart hurts, but it will heal. I'm praying for the people involved, praying they make smarter choices in the future. Stealing isn't the answer.

I feel like my van is all alone and sad and I want to give it a hug.

I'm almost laughing. It's just typical of my life. My van was stolen and involved in a multi-city crime spree. Wonderful!

At least my van had an exciting night out on the town!

A New Take

Oh how I love to write!

You wouldn't know it from my previous blog. 

(you are welcome to take a look...I may even update it from time to time... Thoughts By Jen)

I've got some new ideas on what I want to do with my writing. What I want to do with my life, really.

I needed a new place to do that.

So, voila! Here we are. Welcome!

A little about me. 

I'm a mom to two beautiful kiddos, a girl who is six and a boy who is three. 

I'll be mom to three in March. This pregnancy is not fun. At all. 

(I really am excited for baby #3!)

I'm a wife to my high school sweetheart. We met in french class, which I try to romanticize a bit when I tell the story (as if we met in Paris, under the Eiffel Tower, such true love...). He is always quick to chime in with how much he despised that class!

I'm mostly a stay-at-home mom. I do coach two high school sports that get me out of the house for a couple hours a day for a few months at a time. I have thoroughly enjoyed the (very challenging) task of inspiring the young females of tomorrow! I'm also a Realtor and I fumble around with several work-from-home entrepreneurial ideas.

I'm a college student. I figure I'll graduate one day. Hopefully before my children do!

(if not, that's okay, too. I will graduate one day!)

I'm starting to reevaluate where I put my time. I have so many interests and things that I enjoy doing that I don't spend time on, while I spend time on jobs and things that really don't give me the satisfaction I'm looking for.

I want to spend more quality time with my family AND I want to change the world.

Welcome to my next journey into the blog world!