Thursday, April 17, 2014

We Must

Change is scary. Good change, bad change, everything in between, I always seem to want to hold back and hang on to the everyday mellowness that I've become accustomed to.

I have always felt this yearning to do something big.

I've started with the biggest part of my life, throwing myself completely and unabashedly into motherhood. Being a mom has changed me in many ways. I know that's what everyone says, and I truly believe everyone means it. How could they not?

For me, being a mother has completed me, reached into the deep caverns of my soul that I didn't even know existed and filled them with love and meaning. I am passionate about motherhood. Not just in my role of molding and loving these amazing little people, but in all of the extras that come along with it. I am passionate about every aspect. I want to share with people my personal journey. I want to inspire others to find their own truth within motherhood and become the person they always were meant to be because of their children, not in spite of.

Motherhood has compelled me to reach back into my dreams and dust off a little corner I had long forgotten. I had given up on so many thoughts and goals and ideas in college when I had felt less than important, incompetent, and was generally convinced that I had no real purpose in life. Then I jumped into my 20s and spent the better part of the last ten years growing my family. Within those ten years, I found myself again. Those little dusty dreams that I had long forgotten have crept back to the surface and I'm starting to feel like I can't just push them back inside anymore. They need to get out, they need to breathe and grow and take life.

I'm ready to stop holding those dreams back. They've been calling me, begging me to allow them to take shape and take off. My passion for motherhood has catapulted me into a place I never dreamed possible, but that I've been working toward my entire life.

Change is scary. But change is necessary. In order for us to grow and become all that we are meant to become and do all that we are meant to do, we must change. We must.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Deep Breath

When I started this blog, I tried to envision the kind of blogger I’d be.

I knew that the blog would primarily be a place for me to just write. Write about my kids, my life, my feelings. Nothing special or significant to anyone but me.

I read other blogs and sometimes I just can’t help but to wish I could write like them! Humorous blogs are great! I laugh along with every other reader when I read about the chaos and frustration of other families. I get it, I relate. I just can’t write like that.

The problem I continuously have with this and other blogs I've written is this attempt to write what I think other people want to read. That is completely opposite of my original purpose for the blog. Who wants to read a blog about a woman with a boatload of crazy children who just sings their praises constantly and wonders if she’ll ever be able to reach any of her dreams? That’s not entertaining.

Though it is the truth.

So I’m succumbing to myself and the writer within me.

Sometimes I may have funny things to say. I live with a bunch of energetic kids, something funny is almost always happening!

Sometimes I’ll talk about how overwhelmed I am with my life. Because it’s true. And I am.

But for the most part, I will be writing from a positive place.

I can’t help it, to be honest. That’s just who I am. I've always been a “glass half full” kinda lady. For better or for worse, no matter what is happening in my life. Some people seem to relate to that and encourage that behavior in me. Most of the time, I’m met with animosity, claims that I’m unrealistic and out of touch. And maybe that’s all true. But I've been this way my entire life. It’s just the person that I am.

I WANT to be happy. I WANT to be positive. I don’t want to wake up feeling miserable every single day of my life. Sometimes I do wake up and am angry at the world, but I try very hard to move past that. I just don’t want to live that kind of life. I truly believe that happiness comes from within, and that we are each capable of choosing how we feel about a particular situation.

I often here that I’m “fake” because I’m “too nice” or “too positive” and that this is all just an act. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am just being me. No apologies.

As I move forward with this blog, with my life, I feel refocused and ready to be me. Authentic. Real. Genuine. Good, bad, and everything in between.

I will continue to dream big. I will continue to envision how I will make a difference in the world. I will continue to parent in my ever-evolving style. I will continue to love deeply and passionately and unconditionally in every facet of my life. Will that all make for entertaining writing? Eh, not always. But it’s real, and that’s important.