Tuesday, April 23, 2013

If only I had more hours in the day

There comes a time in life when you need to just move on.

This has been true in many aspects of my life lately. Relationships. Poetry writing. All of it.

I had great expectations of myself. Sure! I can write a poem a day! And take care of my three kids! And finish final projects, papers, and exams for six classes! And start a business! And breathe!

So yeah, something had to go. Bye, poems. I felt a bit of failure this morning thinking about it, and then went on to complete a really amazing project for a business class and I feel much more accomplished with myself.

There's always next year, right?!

So much to say. So much to share. My heart has been overflowing lately. My kids are just incredible. I watched my girls play together yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I watched my two youngest cuddle on the rocking chair today, just the two of them, and I almost cried. I am SO happy! How did I get this blessed? It's such an incredible feeling.

This next week is going to be rough. Finals, finals, finals.

Pray for me.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Love On

Well. I made it 6 straight days.

Here I am, 7 days later, no new poems.

And let's be honest, at least half of those 6 were last minute.

So to catch up to 30, you lucky ducks will get two a day.

Well, maybe. That seems like quite a bit of effort.

I also noticed I get less views for the poems than I do for a post about how I'm exhausted and my house is a mess.

They must be that bad.

Or you all just relate better to the exhausted, messy house mama.

I hear that.


Posts will come later tonight. We are off to celebrate my baby brother's birthday today - the big 21! This lunch will indeed involve alcohol, so that's fun.

For him, I mean. This mama is still breastfeeding, so I'll take in a nice, refreshing water. Party!

This weekend has been amazing. We went to one of my best friend's weddings last night, and it was beautiful and we had a blast. The hubs and I got to go out on our own, talk with friends, dance, and just enjoy each other. All three munchkins stayed with my mom, grandma, and brother and had a fabulous time.

It's wonderful when it all works out like that!

So we've been celebrating love this weekend. And it's good. Love is so good.

Love on, friends. Love. On.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Day 6

Sweet songs
Life in my world is never boring
Life in my world is never easy
Life in my world is pretty awesome

Does that count? It should. I'm so tired! Tomorrow's goal: get this thing done before 10pm ;)


Friday, April 5, 2013

Day 5

My frustration level grows
I try to push it down
Deeper and deeper
I try not to let their attitudes control my life
I want to scream
I spend too much time crying in my pillow
Too much time lost in pointless emotions
There is no resolve
I cannot fix you
We cannot fix this
I cannot be the only one trying
Let it go
Let it be
Moving on is so hard to do
Letting go is near impossible
Your grip on my heart is painful
I feel suffocated by my grief
I want to go back
Before it happened
But at the same time
I know that I must have been blind before
This doesn't happen overnight
So maybe this is what needed to happen
To open my eyes
To shield my children
I just pray for you
Pray that I won't spent so many hours pitying you
I hope you find joy and happiness

I'm moody tonight. Tomorrow will be happier. I promise.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Day 4

Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old

Swing from the trees
Let down your hair
Make wild choices
Don't give a care

Love passionately
Speak your mind
Take chances
Always be kind

Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old

It was a rough day around here. Breakdown after breakdown, from me and from them. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I will kiss them and hug them and whisper in their ears how madly in love with them I truly am. And I will vow to be more patient in the morning. I truly will.


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Day 3

Always changing
Moments constantly rearranging
Go with the flow
Or quit living
Just stop

Bitter resentment
Push and pull
Giving more of myself
Throwing it back at me
Pushing me aside for something else
Your burdens are no bigger than mine
But yet I am always wrong
I am always hurt
I keep giving
Never quitting

Good thoughts
Glass half full
Putting myself out there
Taking chances and huge risks
Hoping and knowing it will happen
Holding on to that hope so tightly
Believing in myself and going for my dreams
Not allowing anything to hold me back
Knowing I can do great things
Trusting in my own abilities
Reaching for the stars
Never giving up
Deep breath

Check out NaPoWriMo

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Day 2

 I want to succeed
Pushing myself to be more
I was built for this

To be a mother
And a business owner
A college student

I am a wife, too
And a daughter and sister
A friend and a foe

Passionate, joyful
Hopeful, positive, happy
All rolled into me

Frustrated, doubtful
Emotions do not skip me
I keep my head up

I just keep going
One foot in front of the next
Choosing to see good

My soul aches for more
More creativity and
More good in this world

I continue on
The path is not always clear
I want to do good

I want to do more
To give more and to be more
And to mean something

To do something big
To change the world for someone
To be positive

I want to succeed
I will never stop trying
I was built for this

Check out NaPoWriMo to join in - 30 poems in 30 days!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Day 1

I need to get the creative juices flowing. What better than a writing challenge that forces me to break out of my shell and write? I happened across a blog post today about NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month. You may have heard of NaNoWriMo in the past, and this is a twist to that. A poem a day for 30 days. Is poetry my thing? Not at all. I used to write little poems here and there as a kid, and I thought they were all genius. They may have been good for a six year old, but the quality hasn't really improved since then! That's the fun part of this challenge, though, they don't have to be good! They don't have to rhyme or follow any type of rules, they don't even have to be about anything specific. Want to write a poem about equality? Go for it. Want to write a poem about the peanut butter sandwich you had for lunch? Go for it. It's that simple. So I'm going for it. Don't expect anything good. There may be a day that I write about my hatred of peanut butter sandwiches, because the deepest emotion I felt on that particular day was the pure hatred for the substance when I got some on my finger while making my kid a sandwich. It could happen. It probably will happen.

Damn peanut butter.

I'm just going to take the leap and we'll see if it helps jump start the creative train. That's what I'm hoping for.

New Beginnings

First of the month
It's like starting over, again and again
A new page of the calendar to be flipped
Putting the past days and weeks and months behind you
A whole blank page of possibilities awaits
Shedding last month as you shed your skin
Leaving the old, stripping the chains of the past
Moving ahead
Letting go of the people and the places and the memories that hold tightly to your heart
Squeezing your chest and never letting you breathe
Never allowing you to be happy
Letting them slip away
A new month can be a new beginning
A chance to step into the person that you always intended to be
Those blank boxes filled with dates are new chances to get it right
New opportunities to be brave and take a leap
New people and places and memories to fill your heart with love and joy
Today is that day

Don't forget to check out NaPoWriMo and jump in! Be courageous with me!