Monday, February 20, 2012

Odds and Ends

I have such big plans for this blog, and for life here in our little world. Everything seems to have been put on the back burner for now. I'm a little sad, because I want to DO so much, but I know these are things I will get to when the time is right.

I've glanced over into the bedroom a few times this morning, and every time I am surprised to see a crib up against the wall. The hubs built it yesterday. Wow, does it make things real! Somebody is going to SLEEP in that thing!

So, life is on hold, and I'm trying to be patient. Less than two weeks until her due date. That's it. After what seemed like the longest pregnancy EVER...here we are. Less than two weeks away. Essentially, I could go into labor right now. While I'm typing this.

I'm not, unfortunately.

Rumor has it they all come out eventually, so I'm just trying to be patient.

I'm going to be mom to THREE kids in the next few weeks. THREE! I feel like I am already, but for now I'm not having to dress the 3rd one or make sure she's fed or changed or whatever. She's handy like that. But juggling three in-the-flesh kiddos? I'm sometimes overwhelmed at the thought.

It's also pretty exhilarating! I always envisioned myself with a huge house full of kids. So we're getting there!

So much I want to do. To be. Dreams are just flowing.

This baby doesn't necessarily change them, just lets them simmer for a bit longer in my head.

So there it is, why I haven't been as present here as much as I had intended. Why I might not be present here for a few weeks more.

Growing a life can take a lot out of you! :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Six Years Later

Yesterday was a hard day for me.

It was the 6th anniversary of my grandpa's death.

I don't know why the 6th anniversary seemed harder than the 4th or the 5th. Maybe it's because I'm a cranky, huge, hormonal pregnant woman. I woke up very aware of what the day was and meant, but I could not figure out why I was so gosh darn moody.

I yelled. A lot. For silly things. I apologized. A lot. And then apologized some more.

I cried most of the morning. I spent a lot of time thinking about what could have been.

I joked about being okay for him to visit me. Believe whatever you believe, but over the last six years there have been odd occurrences that can only be explained by a visit from my grandpa.

Usually, I will say something on facebook, on a phone call to my mom, out loud into the universe, telling my grandpa that I love him and I miss him, but I'm totally cool with NOT seeing him.

It freaks me out.

Well, for some reason yesterday, I didn't say that. My mom even noted I seemed more at ease about him showing up. I laughed and said I hope he showed up and washed my dishes. (he did not do them, unfortunately, they are still staring at me and laughing)

I stood in the kitchen, making my little guy some lunch. He asked to watch Scooby Doo while he was waiting, which sounded like a good idea to me, and it happened to me on TV at that moment. So, back to the kitchen I go. A few minutes later, while SD was supposed to still be on, I hear a very familiar voice, "I say, I say, listen here, boy!"

I literally froze in my tracks. I would have sworn to you that voice was my grandfather's.

I gingerly peeked around the corner to the living room, and instead of Scooby on the television, there was Foghorn Leghorn. Now, I can't even tell you the last time I saw that show! Years, easily! I grabbed the remote and pulled up the guide, and nope, no indication whatsoever that Foghorn Leghorn would be on at that time. It was supposed to be Scooby Doo. I was dumbfounded.

My grandpa could do a perfect impersonation of Foghorn Leghorn.

In fact, the last time I heard any phrase in that voice was out of his mouth. I get chills just thinking about it again.

From that moment on, the rest of the day, I was at ease. Everything was okay.

And next year, I'll be more specific. I don't want to see OR hear dead people in my house!

I think he just likes to keep me on my toes. And honestly? Little reminders like that make me smile and put my heart at ease. I know he is watching over us. I'm grateful for how well he loved me while he was still here, and the lessons he taught me just by living his life the way he did.

He is a pretty incredible person. I'm very lucky to be one of the four people who had the privilege of calling him "Grandpa."