Now

The last few days I have done some serious soul searching. Where should we be, where do we want to be, what does the future hold?

Why did things happen the way they did?

I don't know that I regret my decisions in the past so much as I realize it would have been a lot easier to have chosen differently.

But man, the now? Anyway? It's just amazing.

I knew that being a mom was going to be amazing. I knew it would be hard.

I had NO idea HOW hard.

I had NO idea HOW amazing!

With each new age and phase and milestone, I'm just in awe.

Tee is becoming so much more of an individual, doing her thing, her way. She has the most incredible outlook on life. She still skips into a room and brightens it up with her big smile and her million ideas that she is just bursting to share! I watch Gray now and remember when Tee was that small, and it was just me and her and the hubby. It seems like a completely different life! Then I blinked my eyes and she grew into this really great person! She's sassy, smart, and so funny, with the kindest of hearts. Her energy is contagious!

Then there is my Bam. His birthday is around the corner, and he will be crossing over into this much older stage of life. He's been my baby for so long, the idea of letting go even a little seems crazy! He is the happiest boy. Always smiling, always laughing, in awe of everything around him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he feels everything in a big way. When he's happy, everyone is happy. When he's sad, you can't help but feel sad right along with him! He has this great imagination and he's always playing and building and telling these incredible stories of events his toys experience. He is genuinely sweet and kind, the first to ask if anything is wrong, and always so polite. He loves everyone so completely!

And my Gray. Is it even possible that it's almost been a year since she came into our lives? It can't be! She is growing and changing so much! Oh how she loves all of us, she is so happy to see her siblings and waves and smiles and blows kisses to them every morning. She has started walking, and it's so much fun to watch! I love watching the older kids interacting with her. Her hair is growing, and she's getting so much taller, and oh my all the teeth! Her big blue eyes suck me in and her laughter melts my heart. She's curious and always following the big kids around to see what they are up to. She takes awhile to warm up to other people, but when she does, oh man is it worth the wait!

To think that had I done things differently back then...I might not be here today. With this. With them.

Sometimes the path isn't easy. Sometimes it's not even the path we had planned. But somehow, someway, we end up exactly where we need to be.