Tuesday, May 29, 2012

More

The warm weather soothes my soul, yet I yearn for a cool breeze to rush through my hair.

That's how it always is with me, the push and the pull, the happy and the sad. I always want just a little more, or just a little different. Always content, yet unsettled. It's a ridiculous combination that makes no sense.

I want more than anything to be "that" mom. The one with the perfect house, who gets on the floor with the kids, who never yells, who coaches every team and who's kids are involved in x or y or z. Kids coming over to our house to play. Happiness, and laughter, and fun.

I want that so badly. I'm not there. I don't know that I ever will be. I realize it's not achievable, really. It's a fantasy. Nobody is perfect. But perfection haunts me. It's that whole wanting and being more thing.

But my kids think I'm perfect. They think I'm Super Mom. Even though I seem to always be a step behind the dishes or the laundry, even though I've been too busy nursing to play superheros, even though I lost my temper, even though they aren't signed up for any kind of activity this summer because the van is broke and the baby needs to eat and do you realize how expensive some of this stuff is?

I just want so much more, to do so much more, to be so much more. And it's right there, I'm just a step away from it. It's closing the gap, being mindful of my steps, thinking more than doing that always gets in my way.

I guess the trick is not to try. It's to just do my best, do what I can, in that moment, and embrace whatever happens. They love me anyway. They think I'm great anyway. And that means something. It truly does.

I'm the best mom they've ever had, and I'll sure as heck take that accolade any day of the week.

And I'll try and do a little more tomorrow.

 Linking up with Just Write

8 comments:

  1. I think sometimes "that" mom might just want to be like YOU. I liked this, you write well and you get a sweet sense of both your struggle and your spirit. Well, done. Keep being "you" mom, not "that" mom :)

    Missy

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    1. Oh Missy, thank you for this! Made me smile, and lifted my spirits. Thank you!

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  2. I love this phrase: I'm the best mom they've ever had. So hard to remember when busy comparing to the OTHER mom, the one who seems so together.

    But I also think this is just motherhood, you know? And because you WANT more -- for yourself, for your kids -- your whole family is constantly on your radar, and in the end, because of that attention?

    You ARE supermom :)

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    1. I LOVE that! You are SO right! Thank you, thank you for sharing! :)

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  3. I agree that nobody is perfect. The trick is not comparing yourself with 'that mum' but compare yourself with 'the mum you were yesterday' or 'the mum you were l last month' or 'the mum you were last year' xx

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    1. So, so true! I love that thought process, I will do that, thank you! :)

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  4. This is really beautiful. Sooo many moms feel this way, me included. You're totally supermom!

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