Change is scary. Good change, bad change, everything in between, I always seem to want to hold back and hang on to the everyday mellowness that I've become accustomed to.
I have always felt this yearning to do something big.
I've started with the biggest part of my life, throwing myself completely and unabashedly into motherhood. Being a mom has changed me in many ways. I know that's what everyone says, and I truly believe everyone means it. How could they not?
For me, being a mother has completed me, reached into the deep caverns of my soul that I didn't even know existed and filled them with love and meaning. I am passionate about motherhood. Not just in my role of molding and loving these amazing little people, but in all of the extras that come along with it. I am passionate about every aspect. I want to share with people my personal journey. I want to inspire others to find their own truth within motherhood and become the person they always were meant to be because of their children, not in spite of.
Motherhood has compelled me to reach back into my dreams and dust off a little corner I had long forgotten. I had given up on so many thoughts and goals and ideas in college when I had felt less than important, incompetent, and was generally convinced that I had no real purpose in life. Then I jumped into my 20s and spent the better part of the last ten years growing my family. Within those ten years, I found myself again. Those little dusty dreams that I had long forgotten have crept back to the surface and I'm starting to feel like I can't just push them back inside anymore. They need to get out, they need to breathe and grow and take life.
I'm ready to stop holding those dreams back. They've been calling me, begging me to allow them to take shape and take off. My passion for motherhood has catapulted me into a place I never dreamed possible, but that I've been working toward my entire life.
Change is scary. But change is necessary. In order for us to grow and become all that we are meant to become and do all that we are meant to do, we must change. We must.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
Deep Breath
When I started this blog, I tried to envision the kind of
blogger I’d be.
I knew that the blog would primarily be a place for me to
just write. Write about my kids, my life, my feelings. Nothing special or
significant to anyone but me.
I read other blogs and sometimes I just can’t help but to
wish I could write like them! Humorous blogs are great! I laugh along with
every other reader when I read about the chaos and frustration of other
families. I get it, I relate. I just can’t write like that.
The problem I continuously have with this and other blogs
I've written is this attempt to write what I think other people want to read.
That is completely opposite of my original purpose for the blog. Who wants to
read a blog about a woman with a boatload of crazy children who just sings
their praises constantly and wonders if she’ll ever be able to reach any of her
dreams? That’s not entertaining.
Though it is the truth.
So I’m succumbing to myself and the writer within me.
Sometimes I may have funny things to say. I live with a
bunch of energetic kids, something funny is almost always happening!
Sometimes I’ll talk about how overwhelmed I am with my life.
Because it’s true. And I am.
But for the most part, I will be writing from a positive
place.
I can’t help it, to be honest. That’s just who I am. I've
always been a “glass half full” kinda lady. For better or for worse, no matter
what is happening in my life. Some people seem to relate to that and encourage
that behavior in me. Most of the time, I’m met with animosity, claims that I’m
unrealistic and out of touch. And maybe that’s all true. But I've been this way
my entire life. It’s just the person that I am.
I WANT to be happy. I WANT to be positive. I don’t want to
wake up feeling miserable every single day of my life. Sometimes I do wake up
and am angry at the world, but I try very hard to move past that. I just don’t
want to live that kind of life. I truly believe that happiness comes from
within, and that we are each capable of choosing how we feel about a particular
situation.
I often here that I’m “fake” because I’m “too nice” or “too
positive” and that this is all just an act. Nothing could be further from the
truth.
I am just being me. No apologies.
As I move forward with this blog, with my life, I feel refocused
and ready to be me. Authentic. Real. Genuine. Good, bad, and everything in
between.
I will continue to dream big. I will continue to envision
how I will make a difference in the world. I will continue to parent in my
ever-evolving style. I will continue to love deeply and passionately and
unconditionally in every facet of my life. Will that all make for entertaining
writing? Eh, not always. But it’s real, and that’s important.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Plans and lists and DO IT!
How many times can you "start over"?
I keep asking myself that. I have these great plans and ideas and make lists of things I'll do tomorrow and the next day.
And then I don't.
I muddle through. I plan to make breakfast every morning. Instead, we stop at the gas station and grab donuts with about five minutes to spare before the first bell rings.
I plan to catch up on the laundry, which is a pretty lofty goal for six people, but I plan on it. I wash and dry load after load, and put the piles of clean clothes on the bed. Then it's suddenly bedtime and I don't really want to put the clothes away so they end up in a pile and that pile inevitably falls over and of course it's raining and I just let the dog in and she's laying on that once-clean pile of laundry so I guess I'll catch up on the laundry tomorrow.
I plan to sit down and update my website and work on my business which excites me and I want to dive in! But then I sit down which is the universal symbol for "hey my boobs are free" and both the little girls want to nurse and I remind myself that this season in my life will pass too quickly so I close the laptop and focus on my girls but I never do pick that laptop up again because now I have to pick up the big kids from school and then dinner and homework and bedtime.
I plan and I plan and I plan and I never, ever DO.
I want to slap myself in the face and remind myself THAT THIS IS POSSIBLE. Living and breathing and creating and mothering can be done, can be done well, can be done moderately okay even, and I can DO THIS. I just have to DO.
Four kids is hard work. Heck, ONE kid is hard work! Gosh, even having no kids and just trying to figure out YOURSELF is hard work!
I'm just trying to work through each day, being what I can to who needs it, doing what I can when possible, and trying to hold out just a little bit of hope that my dreams for my life can and will come to fruition, despite and maybe even because of the breakfasts and the laundry and the nursing.
I keep asking myself that. I have these great plans and ideas and make lists of things I'll do tomorrow and the next day.
And then I don't.
I muddle through. I plan to make breakfast every morning. Instead, we stop at the gas station and grab donuts with about five minutes to spare before the first bell rings.
I plan to catch up on the laundry, which is a pretty lofty goal for six people, but I plan on it. I wash and dry load after load, and put the piles of clean clothes on the bed. Then it's suddenly bedtime and I don't really want to put the clothes away so they end up in a pile and that pile inevitably falls over and of course it's raining and I just let the dog in and she's laying on that once-clean pile of laundry so I guess I'll catch up on the laundry tomorrow.
I plan to sit down and update my website and work on my business which excites me and I want to dive in! But then I sit down which is the universal symbol for "hey my boobs are free" and both the little girls want to nurse and I remind myself that this season in my life will pass too quickly so I close the laptop and focus on my girls but I never do pick that laptop up again because now I have to pick up the big kids from school and then dinner and homework and bedtime.
I plan and I plan and I plan and I never, ever DO.
I want to slap myself in the face and remind myself THAT THIS IS POSSIBLE. Living and breathing and creating and mothering can be done, can be done well, can be done moderately okay even, and I can DO THIS. I just have to DO.
Four kids is hard work. Heck, ONE kid is hard work! Gosh, even having no kids and just trying to figure out YOURSELF is hard work!
I'm just trying to work through each day, being what I can to who needs it, doing what I can when possible, and trying to hold out just a little bit of hope that my dreams for my life can and will come to fruition, despite and maybe even because of the breakfasts and the laundry and the nursing.
This Week's Menu!
I'm taking part in a pretty cool Pinterest interactive experience!
That's the fancy way of seeing I'm pinning cool stuff and you should, TOO!
I created a board on Pinterest called "This Week's Menu!" and each Sunday I'll update that board with what is on our menu for the week. I'll post a link here on the blog for those who want to participate, too!
I'll update here reviews, recipes, and we can take bets on how many meals are burned beyond recognition and how many times my family orders pizza because I don't know how to boil water each week.
Fun times! :)
Why am I taking part in this?
Because I am SICK and TIRED of eating crappy food that doesn't nourish my body. I want to MAKE food. REAL food. WHOLE food. GOOD food.
Please trust, I am far from perfection. Odds are good that I'll be popping in a frozen pizza every couple of nights or making the kids peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I have no energy to cook.
But if I want to CHANGE something, I've got to put it out there! I need to raise the bar for myself and my family. My expectations must change. Nutrition has become a priority for me, and instead of just thinking about it all day, I'm taking action.
And damn it, I might even learn to cook in the process.
Comment here with your Pinterest board link if you'd like to join in! We can follow each other and get some yummy ideas!
Check out: http://www.pinterest.com/jennymfv/this-weeks-menu/
That's the fancy way of seeing I'm pinning cool stuff and you should, TOO!
I created a board on Pinterest called "This Week's Menu!" and each Sunday I'll update that board with what is on our menu for the week. I'll post a link here on the blog for those who want to participate, too!
I'll update here reviews, recipes, and we can take bets on how many meals are burned beyond recognition and how many times my family orders pizza because I don't know how to boil water each week.
Fun times! :)
Why am I taking part in this?
Because I am SICK and TIRED of eating crappy food that doesn't nourish my body. I want to MAKE food. REAL food. WHOLE food. GOOD food.
Please trust, I am far from perfection. Odds are good that I'll be popping in a frozen pizza every couple of nights or making the kids peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I have no energy to cook.
But if I want to CHANGE something, I've got to put it out there! I need to raise the bar for myself and my family. My expectations must change. Nutrition has become a priority for me, and instead of just thinking about it all day, I'm taking action.
And damn it, I might even learn to cook in the process.
Comment here with your Pinterest board link if you'd like to join in! We can follow each other and get some yummy ideas!
Check out: http://www.pinterest.com/jennymfv/this-weeks-menu/
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Reality
I'm still in the newborn bliss stage.
I'm also in the oh-crap-I-have-four-kids stage.
And a dog.
And a husband.
And dreams that need care and attention just like my babies.
And dishes to be washed and laundry to be sorted and why don't I have one of those vacuums that runs all by itself?
Life around here is chaotic. The clutter multiplies from each room to the next. I swear I get rid of one thing and four things show up in its place. My mind is running a mile a minute, and physically I'm doing the same thing. But I just GAVE BIRTH and my body can't quite keep up with what I need it to do. Throw in the lack of sleep and I'm a big ole mess.
This is reality, folks.
I often post about how wonderful things are and how happy I am, and those are all true. But the reality is that mixed in between the wonderful things and the happy is pure and utter chaos. Most of the time, the chaos is great. I can handle it. But sometimes the chaos is the dirty, messy, tantrum-throwing, I-can't-find-my-homework, stop-hitting-your-sister, I-hate-you-mom-you-ruined-my-life kind of chaos.
The reality is that it's not all butterflies and sunshine and happy unicorns around here. The glitter and sparkle aren't always exciting; sometimes they are just a bitch to clean up off the floor.
Sometimes we run out of toilet paper in the middle of a stomach bug. Sometimes the dog jumps on the counter and EATS the dinner I just pulled out of the oven. Sometimes I just want two minutes so that I can pee...ALONE.
A lot of these not-so-pretty moments are just part of living. Sometimes there are moments in there that I'm not proud of. Like when I lose my temper over things that are meaningless. Or when I realize my words are the problem. Or when I pretend I can't find the book she wants me to read for the 300th time and the truth is I kicked it under the couch.
I'm real. This ain't always a picnic.
The whole "Super Mama" thing is not because I think I'm just the most fabulous mother to ever walk the face of the Earth. It's because my KIDS think I am. Isn't that amazing? We can have the worst day ever around here...I can forget that we dance class and only have ten minutes left to eat so I pour a bowl of cereal for everyone, and then we are late to dance class, and then I almost run out of gas getting home and have to pull over in below freezing temps to pump the gas and I'm cold and damn it why didn't I tell the hubby to get me gas that morning, and crap we didn't finish homework and I didn't dry the towels so showers won't happen tonight and the baby wants to nurse RIGHT FREAKING NOW and oops bedtime passed 30 minutes ago...
...and as I come to tuck them in to bed, they tell me that it was the BEST day ever.
That I'm the best MOM ever.
On those particular nights, I typically hug them close, remind them how much I love them and how amazing they are, and then off I go to cry about how I don't deserve such awesome kids.
But they DO love me...in the worst and in the best moments. And life isn't just one or the other. So if they can still love me in the worst...well, then, I guess I'm doing a good job.
Today is yet another no-school-because-Mother-Nature-is-a-whack-job day. The kids are home and it's too cold to leave the house and they are still getting over a stomach bug anyway...so today, I'm just going to try and hold it together. At this very moment, the baby is asleep on my chest, and I'm soaking in the sweet newborn-ness. Bam and Gray are laying on the couch together sharing a pillow and a blanket, and Tee went and poured everyone a drink. They are all being so kind and sweet, and I'm overflowing with love for them.
I feel so LUCKY to have them. Yes, I also have a ton of laundry and dishes and cleaning to do. Yes, I have my own homework that I need to catch up on. Yes, I have a LOT going on in my head that I want to do or achieve that just aren't happening right now. BUT...most importantly...I have THIS. I have this chaos that is so full of commotion and crazy and joy and love and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I'm also in the oh-crap-I-have-four-kids stage.
And a dog.
And a husband.
And dreams that need care and attention just like my babies.
And dishes to be washed and laundry to be sorted and why don't I have one of those vacuums that runs all by itself?
Life around here is chaotic. The clutter multiplies from each room to the next. I swear I get rid of one thing and four things show up in its place. My mind is running a mile a minute, and physically I'm doing the same thing. But I just GAVE BIRTH and my body can't quite keep up with what I need it to do. Throw in the lack of sleep and I'm a big ole mess.
This is reality, folks.
I often post about how wonderful things are and how happy I am, and those are all true. But the reality is that mixed in between the wonderful things and the happy is pure and utter chaos. Most of the time, the chaos is great. I can handle it. But sometimes the chaos is the dirty, messy, tantrum-throwing, I-can't-find-my-homework, stop-hitting-your-sister, I-hate-you-mom-you-ruined-my-life kind of chaos.
The reality is that it's not all butterflies and sunshine and happy unicorns around here. The glitter and sparkle aren't always exciting; sometimes they are just a bitch to clean up off the floor.
Sometimes we run out of toilet paper in the middle of a stomach bug. Sometimes the dog jumps on the counter and EATS the dinner I just pulled out of the oven. Sometimes I just want two minutes so that I can pee...ALONE.
A lot of these not-so-pretty moments are just part of living. Sometimes there are moments in there that I'm not proud of. Like when I lose my temper over things that are meaningless. Or when I realize my words are the problem. Or when I pretend I can't find the book she wants me to read for the 300th time and the truth is I kicked it under the couch.
I'm real. This ain't always a picnic.
The whole "Super Mama" thing is not because I think I'm just the most fabulous mother to ever walk the face of the Earth. It's because my KIDS think I am. Isn't that amazing? We can have the worst day ever around here...I can forget that we dance class and only have ten minutes left to eat so I pour a bowl of cereal for everyone, and then we are late to dance class, and then I almost run out of gas getting home and have to pull over in below freezing temps to pump the gas and I'm cold and damn it why didn't I tell the hubby to get me gas that morning, and crap we didn't finish homework and I didn't dry the towels so showers won't happen tonight and the baby wants to nurse RIGHT FREAKING NOW and oops bedtime passed 30 minutes ago...
...and as I come to tuck them in to bed, they tell me that it was the BEST day ever.
That I'm the best MOM ever.
On those particular nights, I typically hug them close, remind them how much I love them and how amazing they are, and then off I go to cry about how I don't deserve such awesome kids.
But they DO love me...in the worst and in the best moments. And life isn't just one or the other. So if they can still love me in the worst...well, then, I guess I'm doing a good job.
Today is yet another no-school-because-Mother-Nature-is-a-whack-job day. The kids are home and it's too cold to leave the house and they are still getting over a stomach bug anyway...so today, I'm just going to try and hold it together. At this very moment, the baby is asleep on my chest, and I'm soaking in the sweet newborn-ness. Bam and Gray are laying on the couch together sharing a pillow and a blanket, and Tee went and poured everyone a drink. They are all being so kind and sweet, and I'm overflowing with love for them.
I feel so LUCKY to have them. Yes, I also have a ton of laundry and dishes and cleaning to do. Yes, I have my own homework that I need to catch up on. Yes, I have a LOT going on in my head that I want to do or achieve that just aren't happening right now. BUT...most importantly...I have THIS. I have this chaos that is so full of commotion and crazy and joy and love and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Taking Leaps
We are falling into a routine. Tee and Bam are at school, doing their thing. Gray and the Baby are home with me. We're figuring things out. Slowly.
Toddlers are harder than newborns. Just an FYI, in case you were wondering.
School started back up for me. Yeah, I'm a bit crazy like that, going to school while juggling 3,000 kids and everything else...but I WANT THIS. I truly do. I NEED to finish school. For me. For my kids. It has to happen. I'm not slowing down or stopping this time.
What's interesting, though, is that the Baby's birth has triggered inside me a whole new way of approaching my goals. As a family, we've veered away from a lot of the mainstream thoughts on parenting and have adopted what some may call more of an attachment parenting style. It's all just labels, really. At the end of the day, we love our kids and do the very best we can for them. Just like every other parent I know, whether they make the same choices I do or not! My point is that as we've taken this new path, I've discovered a lot more about myself and where my heart lies. I've been thinking about where to go with my degree and my career over the last several years, and this pregnancy really set me on the path to fully understand what my heart has been telling me. Holding this baby in my arms, it all seemed clear.
Vague enough, huh?
Well, it is what it is for now. I need to explore more what I want to do with these ideas and plans that are exploding inside my head. I've found a love for all things natural. I want to explore how nutrition can make or break your health. I'm in love with natural childbirth, and at bare minimum an informed CHOICE in birth. Breastfeeding has become a passion of mine. Raising babies and kids has fulfilled me in ways I didn't think possible. I have expanded the area that my degree is heading in, and I think I will be able to finally put some concrete plans together. Plans that make my heart sing!
In the meantime, I am jumping head first into my business. I've puttered around long enough, putting it off, getting scared, not taking the leap. I'm no longer allowing myself to get in the way of my plans. That's really it, I get in the way of myself. No more!
Taking leaps is scary business.
Toddlers are harder than newborns. Just an FYI, in case you were wondering.
School started back up for me. Yeah, I'm a bit crazy like that, going to school while juggling 3,000 kids and everything else...but I WANT THIS. I truly do. I NEED to finish school. For me. For my kids. It has to happen. I'm not slowing down or stopping this time.
What's interesting, though, is that the Baby's birth has triggered inside me a whole new way of approaching my goals. As a family, we've veered away from a lot of the mainstream thoughts on parenting and have adopted what some may call more of an attachment parenting style. It's all just labels, really. At the end of the day, we love our kids and do the very best we can for them. Just like every other parent I know, whether they make the same choices I do or not! My point is that as we've taken this new path, I've discovered a lot more about myself and where my heart lies. I've been thinking about where to go with my degree and my career over the last several years, and this pregnancy really set me on the path to fully understand what my heart has been telling me. Holding this baby in my arms, it all seemed clear.
Vague enough, huh?
Well, it is what it is for now. I need to explore more what I want to do with these ideas and plans that are exploding inside my head. I've found a love for all things natural. I want to explore how nutrition can make or break your health. I'm in love with natural childbirth, and at bare minimum an informed CHOICE in birth. Breastfeeding has become a passion of mine. Raising babies and kids has fulfilled me in ways I didn't think possible. I have expanded the area that my degree is heading in, and I think I will be able to finally put some concrete plans together. Plans that make my heart sing!
In the meantime, I am jumping head first into my business. I've puttered around long enough, putting it off, getting scared, not taking the leap. I'm no longer allowing myself to get in the way of my plans. That's really it, I get in the way of myself. No more!
Taking leaps is scary business.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
2014
Hello, 2014!
I realize that life doesn't exactly start fresh when the ball drops, but for us, this year, it felt like it. 2013 was a year full of changes, challenges, and heartbreak. We lost two very important people to our family and it has shaken all of us to our core. We dealt with job loss and financial woes. Overall, it was a terrible, terrible year.
We were happy and ready to put 2013 behind us, hoping and praying that 2014 would be filled with wonderful things!
And so far...it has!
We welcomed our sweet baby girl into the world on January 4. She is beautiful and amazing and has added excitement and joy into our house.
She has also added exhaustion and lack of alone time for mommy, but hey, who needs any of that, right?
In all honesty, I LOVE the newborn stage. Truly, I do! Sure, getting up to feed the little one throughout the night isn't glamorous, but I don't mind doing it. She's almost two weeks old now, and we are starting to get into a groove. The immediate wave of exhaustion has subsided and I'm pretty content with the lack of sleep. This stage passes SO quickly and I'm trying to treasure every single second of it!
With the big kids in school, it's just me and the little girls during the day. We are still trying to get in a groove. I'm still trying to balance my schoolwork and my business with my girls, and I've put almost everything aside so that the girls and I can bond together. The transition when you add a new family member is sometimes challenging, and my sweet Gray has needed a bit extra time to get used to her new little sister. But we are getting there! Slowly but surely, we are finding our footing and getting in a groove.
Besides the challenges that come with having four kids...I truly am deliriously happy right now. This little girl is pure bliss, and our family feels more complete than it ever has. The hubs and I are truly blessed!
So far, 2014 has been just as wonderful as I had imagined it would be!
I realize that life doesn't exactly start fresh when the ball drops, but for us, this year, it felt like it. 2013 was a year full of changes, challenges, and heartbreak. We lost two very important people to our family and it has shaken all of us to our core. We dealt with job loss and financial woes. Overall, it was a terrible, terrible year.
We were happy and ready to put 2013 behind us, hoping and praying that 2014 would be filled with wonderful things!
And so far...it has!
We welcomed our sweet baby girl into the world on January 4. She is beautiful and amazing and has added excitement and joy into our house.
She has also added exhaustion and lack of alone time for mommy, but hey, who needs any of that, right?
In all honesty, I LOVE the newborn stage. Truly, I do! Sure, getting up to feed the little one throughout the night isn't glamorous, but I don't mind doing it. She's almost two weeks old now, and we are starting to get into a groove. The immediate wave of exhaustion has subsided and I'm pretty content with the lack of sleep. This stage passes SO quickly and I'm trying to treasure every single second of it!
With the big kids in school, it's just me and the little girls during the day. We are still trying to get in a groove. I'm still trying to balance my schoolwork and my business with my girls, and I've put almost everything aside so that the girls and I can bond together. The transition when you add a new family member is sometimes challenging, and my sweet Gray has needed a bit extra time to get used to her new little sister. But we are getting there! Slowly but surely, we are finding our footing and getting in a groove.
Besides the challenges that come with having four kids...I truly am deliriously happy right now. This little girl is pure bliss, and our family feels more complete than it ever has. The hubs and I are truly blessed!
So far, 2014 has been just as wonderful as I had imagined it would be!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Today Stinks
I am having a bad day.
Why?
Oh let me count the ways. So MANY reasons. Nothing that truly matters. Just a little bit of this and this and that piled all on top of each other, coupled with my raging pregnancy hormones and the fact that despite it being a perfectly chilly fall day, it is 80 degrees in my house and I could cry at the drop of a hat.
So what should I do about it?
I'm going to focus on the positive.
There is a BABY in my belly! And this wonderful little miracle is kicking away!
My little Gray has been showering me with kisses and hugs and cuddles today!
My Bam, despite his problems at school, is truly learning! He came home today and sang me a song he learned. He SANG a SONG! This is huge for him!
My Tee is celebrating a birthday this week. Her existence is amazing and we get to celebrate the awesome person that she is!
My husband is bringing me home dinner! And I don't have to cook it or prepare it in any way!
The sun is shining!
Life is GOOD!
*deep breath*
That helped. It truly did!
Taking the negative of today and letting it go, focusing on the positive and breathing it in. I can't ignore all the negatives...most of them do require some action of some kind. I just can't put effort into those things when I'm crying and yelling and wanting to pound my head into my desk. It's not productive or helpful! So back to that breathing...
It will be okay. IT WILL BE OKAY. It IS okay. IT IS!
Why?
Oh let me count the ways. So MANY reasons. Nothing that truly matters. Just a little bit of this and this and that piled all on top of each other, coupled with my raging pregnancy hormones and the fact that despite it being a perfectly chilly fall day, it is 80 degrees in my house and I could cry at the drop of a hat.
So what should I do about it?
I'm going to focus on the positive.
There is a BABY in my belly! And this wonderful little miracle is kicking away!
My little Gray has been showering me with kisses and hugs and cuddles today!
My Bam, despite his problems at school, is truly learning! He came home today and sang me a song he learned. He SANG a SONG! This is huge for him!
My Tee is celebrating a birthday this week. Her existence is amazing and we get to celebrate the awesome person that she is!
My husband is bringing me home dinner! And I don't have to cook it or prepare it in any way!
The sun is shining!
Life is GOOD!
*deep breath*
That helped. It truly did!
Taking the negative of today and letting it go, focusing on the positive and breathing it in. I can't ignore all the negatives...most of them do require some action of some kind. I just can't put effort into those things when I'm crying and yelling and wanting to pound my head into my desk. It's not productive or helpful! So back to that breathing...
It will be okay. IT WILL BE OKAY. It IS okay. IT IS!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Organization is the Name of the Game!
What's the key to being a Super Mama?
Well, heck if I know!
I do know, however, that the key to staying sane as a Super Mama is organization. I'm all about embracing the chaos and living by the seat of your pants. I don't think that every minute of every day needs to be scheduled or planned. I love the freedom in having a day free of plans and just letting life happen!
The organization I'm talking about is HOME organization.
You know what I mean, mamas. I know you do!
As a mom with two kids in school, a toddler, a baby on the way, a husband, a business, and my own schooling to contend with...if I don't have a plan or a place for everything...this house becomes chaos. And not the good kind of chaos. The oh-gosh-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out-and-run-away kind of chaos.
Mmmhmm, you know what I'm talking about!
Truth time...I'm not that great with this kind of organization.
I want to be good at it! I strive to be good at it!
I'm just not quite there yet.
So this month I'm going to explore organization and what it means for my own family and how we can make things work smoother and easier in our house.
Join me! I know other mamas out there struggle with the same thing! Where's my shoes? Where's my backpack? Did you sign my planner? Did you move my library book? Why is my pillow in the dog food?
(what? you don't get that question often?)
An important factor to me is how to organize on the cheap. I'm overwhelmed with possibilities as I peruse the magical website Pinterest, but often a lot of the best ideas are just not realistic for my home, my family, or my budget. So I plan to take those genius ideas and mold them to fit my life.
YOU CAN DO IT, TOO!
I embrace the chaos. But I like to embrace it without truly going insane.
Well, heck if I know!
I do know, however, that the key to staying sane as a Super Mama is organization. I'm all about embracing the chaos and living by the seat of your pants. I don't think that every minute of every day needs to be scheduled or planned. I love the freedom in having a day free of plans and just letting life happen!
The organization I'm talking about is HOME organization.
You know what I mean, mamas. I know you do!
As a mom with two kids in school, a toddler, a baby on the way, a husband, a business, and my own schooling to contend with...if I don't have a plan or a place for everything...this house becomes chaos. And not the good kind of chaos. The oh-gosh-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out-and-run-away kind of chaos.
Mmmhmm, you know what I'm talking about!
Truth time...I'm not that great with this kind of organization.
I want to be good at it! I strive to be good at it!
I'm just not quite there yet.
So this month I'm going to explore organization and what it means for my own family and how we can make things work smoother and easier in our house.
Join me! I know other mamas out there struggle with the same thing! Where's my shoes? Where's my backpack? Did you sign my planner? Did you move my library book? Why is my pillow in the dog food?
(what? you don't get that question often?)
An important factor to me is how to organize on the cheap. I'm overwhelmed with possibilities as I peruse the magical website Pinterest, but often a lot of the best ideas are just not realistic for my home, my family, or my budget. So I plan to take those genius ideas and mold them to fit my life.
YOU CAN DO IT, TOO!
I embrace the chaos. But I like to embrace it without truly going insane.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Easy
The school year has started, the big kids are in school, I'm taking online classes, and me and the little one are still figuring out our days.
It is odd to be suddenly alone with just one child throughout the day.
We are still working out our routine. We spend a lot of time cuddling, a lot of time nursing, and a lot of time laughing. We enjoy lunch together, she typically steals all of my breakfast, and she's started napping early in the morning which gives me some time to work on homework.
It's quiet here. Not something I'm used to. We wait as patiently as we can for the clock to tick the hours away so we can pick up her big brother and big sister from school. Oh how she misses them! She squeals with delight when she sees them get into the car after school. The love they all have together is incredible.
It feels easy, for the moment. I'm sort of sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is this wonderful easy feeling our reward for the hectic summer full of questions? I suppose I shouldn't look at this ease so unkindly. I should revel in this moment, allow it to be and exist, let the worry slip away.
The chaos is coming, though.
With that...our big news! Baby #4 is due in January!
So my easy mornings with Gray are soon to fade, and we will share our time with her little sibling.
With this sudden ease has come a feeling of peace. As we recover from the unexpected blows of the summer, things are far from truly peaceful. But at the same time, I'm content. I'm happy. Our family is growing, in ways we never expected, and in ways we are truly blessed to experience.
I feel GOOD. Right here, right now, in this moment. It feels GOOD.
It is odd to be suddenly alone with just one child throughout the day.
We are still working out our routine. We spend a lot of time cuddling, a lot of time nursing, and a lot of time laughing. We enjoy lunch together, she typically steals all of my breakfast, and she's started napping early in the morning which gives me some time to work on homework.
It's quiet here. Not something I'm used to. We wait as patiently as we can for the clock to tick the hours away so we can pick up her big brother and big sister from school. Oh how she misses them! She squeals with delight when she sees them get into the car after school. The love they all have together is incredible.
It feels easy, for the moment. I'm sort of sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is this wonderful easy feeling our reward for the hectic summer full of questions? I suppose I shouldn't look at this ease so unkindly. I should revel in this moment, allow it to be and exist, let the worry slip away.
The chaos is coming, though.
With that...our big news! Baby #4 is due in January!
So my easy mornings with Gray are soon to fade, and we will share our time with her little sibling.
With this sudden ease has come a feeling of peace. As we recover from the unexpected blows of the summer, things are far from truly peaceful. But at the same time, I'm content. I'm happy. Our family is growing, in ways we never expected, and in ways we are truly blessed to experience.
I feel GOOD. Right here, right now, in this moment. It feels GOOD.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The Summer That Wasn't
Did this summer really just fly by? Are we seriously halfway through AUGUST? This is crazy. Ridiculous! I had this big idea of achieving everything on our summer bucket list...
We never even finished writing the bucket list!
What happened?!?!
So maybe this summer wasn't as magical and fun-filled as I had planned. It was filled with a lot of loss, actually, in more than one way. It was not the "best summer EVER" like I had hoped it would be.
I guess that's part of this whole living/parenting thing, right? Not every day goes according to plan.
For a moment this morning, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, and for my kids. Thinking that they have to wait a whole 9 months or so to try this summer thing again.
Then I stopped myself.
Stop the crazy talk, mama!
Why wait 9 months? Why does fun only have to happen in the summer? This may not have been the summer filled with fun trips and play dates and parties and excitement that I had envisioned. That doesn't mean that TODAY can't be fun! Or tomorrow! Or September! Or winter!
School is starting and the fall is almost here. That means fun of a different kind. School events. Apple orchards. Cider mills. Hayrides. Movie nights. Sleepovers. This is fun, too!
So though summer kind of got away from me, you better believe that fall is going to be pretty spectacular. There will be no bucket list to hold over my head, making me feel incompetent and lazy. I can give myself the grief without the list watching me day in and day out.
I did just bookmark a couple websites with ideas for summer bucket lists, though. Maybe we will try again next year. Maybe we won't.
Maybe I will just try and make today special and then go from there.
We never even finished writing the bucket list!
What happened?!?!
So maybe this summer wasn't as magical and fun-filled as I had planned. It was filled with a lot of loss, actually, in more than one way. It was not the "best summer EVER" like I had hoped it would be.
I guess that's part of this whole living/parenting thing, right? Not every day goes according to plan.
For a moment this morning, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, and for my kids. Thinking that they have to wait a whole 9 months or so to try this summer thing again.
Then I stopped myself.
Stop the crazy talk, mama!
Why wait 9 months? Why does fun only have to happen in the summer? This may not have been the summer filled with fun trips and play dates and parties and excitement that I had envisioned. That doesn't mean that TODAY can't be fun! Or tomorrow! Or September! Or winter!
School is starting and the fall is almost here. That means fun of a different kind. School events. Apple orchards. Cider mills. Hayrides. Movie nights. Sleepovers. This is fun, too!
So though summer kind of got away from me, you better believe that fall is going to be pretty spectacular. There will be no bucket list to hold over my head, making me feel incompetent and lazy. I can give myself the grief without the list watching me day in and day out.
I did just bookmark a couple websites with ideas for summer bucket lists, though. Maybe we will try again next year. Maybe we won't.
Maybe I will just try and make today special and then go from there.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Sleep, Baby, Sleep
Hello, bloggy world. It has been awhile, eh?
Life sure can get complicated.
Finals. The cold from hell. Family obligations. Softball. T-ball. Breastfeeding this kid all day...and night.
And so.much.more.
It's hard to keep up with life.
I feel like it has been one thing after another since the end of April. I don't know that we are completely out from under all of the obstacles and challenges, but I can finally breathe a little easier and see a small light at the end of the tunnel.
It's small, but it is promising.
I can hold on to anything promising.
I'm trying to grasp on to life as it is right now, trying to catch up, trying to be in control. We have a few more weeks of summer and I want to truly enjoy it. I want to be organized and prepared once school starts for myself and for the two big kids. We have a lot to do.
I have a sleeping baby next to me on the couch. I don't dare move because she senses it and I really needed her to take a good nap today. The other two are running around in their bathing suits squirting water at each other from their baby sister's bath toys. Part of me is impressed with their creativity as they've created an entire world for themselves; the other part of me is horrified at the mess I'm going to have to clean up.
But I will just sit. Let them enjoy. Let the baby sleep. Breathe. Convince myself that I got this whole mommy thing down.
My poker face is pretty good. I can pull it off.
Deep breath.
Life sure can get complicated.
Finals. The cold from hell. Family obligations. Softball. T-ball. Breastfeeding this kid all day...and night.
And so.much.more.
It's hard to keep up with life.
I feel like it has been one thing after another since the end of April. I don't know that we are completely out from under all of the obstacles and challenges, but I can finally breathe a little easier and see a small light at the end of the tunnel.
It's small, but it is promising.
I can hold on to anything promising.
I'm trying to grasp on to life as it is right now, trying to catch up, trying to be in control. We have a few more weeks of summer and I want to truly enjoy it. I want to be organized and prepared once school starts for myself and for the two big kids. We have a lot to do.
I have a sleeping baby next to me on the couch. I don't dare move because she senses it and I really needed her to take a good nap today. The other two are running around in their bathing suits squirting water at each other from their baby sister's bath toys. Part of me is impressed with their creativity as they've created an entire world for themselves; the other part of me is horrified at the mess I'm going to have to clean up.
But I will just sit. Let them enjoy. Let the baby sleep. Breathe. Convince myself that I got this whole mommy thing down.
My poker face is pretty good. I can pull it off.
Deep breath.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
If only I had more hours in the day
There comes a time in life when you need to just move on.
This has been true in many aspects of my life lately. Relationships. Poetry writing. All of it.
I had great expectations of myself. Sure! I can write a poem a day! And take care of my three kids! And finish final projects, papers, and exams for six classes! And start a business! And breathe!
So yeah, something had to go. Bye, poems. I felt a bit of failure this morning thinking about it, and then went on to complete a really amazing project for a business class and I feel much more accomplished with myself.
There's always next year, right?!
So much to say. So much to share. My heart has been overflowing lately. My kids are just incredible. I watched my girls play together yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I watched my two youngest cuddle on the rocking chair today, just the two of them, and I almost cried. I am SO happy! How did I get this blessed? It's such an incredible feeling.
This next week is going to be rough. Finals, finals, finals.
Pray for me.
This has been true in many aspects of my life lately. Relationships. Poetry writing. All of it.
I had great expectations of myself. Sure! I can write a poem a day! And take care of my three kids! And finish final projects, papers, and exams for six classes! And start a business! And breathe!
So yeah, something had to go. Bye, poems. I felt a bit of failure this morning thinking about it, and then went on to complete a really amazing project for a business class and I feel much more accomplished with myself.
There's always next year, right?!
So much to say. So much to share. My heart has been overflowing lately. My kids are just incredible. I watched my girls play together yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I watched my two youngest cuddle on the rocking chair today, just the two of them, and I almost cried. I am SO happy! How did I get this blessed? It's such an incredible feeling.
This next week is going to be rough. Finals, finals, finals.
Pray for me.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Love On
Well. I made it 6 straight days.
Here I am, 7 days later, no new poems.
And let's be honest, at least half of those 6 were last minute.
So to catch up to 30, you lucky ducks will get two a day.
Well, maybe. That seems like quite a bit of effort.
I also noticed I get less views for the poems than I do for a post about how I'm exhausted and my house is a mess.
They must be that bad.
Or you all just relate better to the exhausted, messy house mama.
I hear that.
Respect!
Posts will come later tonight. We are off to celebrate my baby brother's birthday today - the big 21! This lunch will indeed involve alcohol, so that's fun.
For him, I mean. This mama is still breastfeeding, so I'll take in a nice, refreshing water. Party!
This weekend has been amazing. We went to one of my best friend's weddings last night, and it was beautiful and we had a blast. The hubs and I got to go out on our own, talk with friends, dance, and just enjoy each other. All three munchkins stayed with my mom, grandma, and brother and had a fabulous time.
It's wonderful when it all works out like that!
So we've been celebrating love this weekend. And it's good. Love is so good.
Love on, friends. Love. On.
Here I am, 7 days later, no new poems.
And let's be honest, at least half of those 6 were last minute.
So to catch up to 30, you lucky ducks will get two a day.
Well, maybe. That seems like quite a bit of effort.
I also noticed I get less views for the poems than I do for a post about how I'm exhausted and my house is a mess.
They must be that bad.
Or you all just relate better to the exhausted, messy house mama.
I hear that.
Respect!
Posts will come later tonight. We are off to celebrate my baby brother's birthday today - the big 21! This lunch will indeed involve alcohol, so that's fun.
For him, I mean. This mama is still breastfeeding, so I'll take in a nice, refreshing water. Party!
This weekend has been amazing. We went to one of my best friend's weddings last night, and it was beautiful and we had a blast. The hubs and I got to go out on our own, talk with friends, dance, and just enjoy each other. All three munchkins stayed with my mom, grandma, and brother and had a fabulous time.
It's wonderful when it all works out like that!
So we've been celebrating love this weekend. And it's good. Love is so good.
Love on, friends. Love. On.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Day 5
My frustration level grows
I try to push it down
Deeper and deeper
I try not to let their attitudes control my life
I want to scream
I spend too much time crying in my pillow
Too much time lost in pointless emotions
There is no resolve
I cannot fix you
We cannot fix this
I cannot be the only one trying
Let it go
Let it be
Moving on is so hard to do
Letting go is near impossible
Your grip on my heart is painful
I feel suffocated by my grief
I want to go back
Before it happened
But at the same time
I know that I must have been blind before
This doesn't happen overnight
So maybe this is what needed to happen
To open my eyes
To shield my children
I just pray for you
Pray that I won't spent so many hours pitying you
I hope you find joy and happiness
I'm moody tonight. Tomorrow will be happier. I promise.
NaPoWriMo
I try to push it down
Deeper and deeper
I try not to let their attitudes control my life
I want to scream
I spend too much time crying in my pillow
Too much time lost in pointless emotions
There is no resolve
I cannot fix you
We cannot fix this
I cannot be the only one trying
Let it go
Let it be
Moving on is so hard to do
Letting go is near impossible
Your grip on my heart is painful
I feel suffocated by my grief
I want to go back
Before it happened
But at the same time
I know that I must have been blind before
This doesn't happen overnight
So maybe this is what needed to happen
To open my eyes
To shield my children
I just pray for you
Pray that I won't spent so many hours pitying you
I hope you find joy and happiness
I'm moody tonight. Tomorrow will be happier. I promise.
NaPoWriMo
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Day 4
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
Swing from the trees
Let down your hair
Make wild choices
Don't give a care
Love passionately
Speak your mind
Take chances
Always be kind
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
It was a rough day around here. Breakdown after breakdown, from me and from them. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I will kiss them and hug them and whisper in their ears how madly in love with them I truly am. And I will vow to be more patient in the morning. I truly will.
NaPoWriMo
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
Swing from the trees
Let down your hair
Make wild choices
Don't give a care
Love passionately
Speak your mind
Take chances
Always be kind
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
It was a rough day around here. Breakdown after breakdown, from me and from them. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I will kiss them and hug them and whisper in their ears how madly in love with them I truly am. And I will vow to be more patient in the morning. I truly will.
NaPoWriMo
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Day 3
Life
Always changing
Moments constantly rearranging
Go with the flow
Or quit living
Just stop
Breathing
Anger
Bitter resentment
Push and pull
Giving more of myself
Throwing it back at me
Pushing me aside for something else
Your burdens are no bigger than mine
But yet I am always wrong
I am always hurt
I keep giving
Never quitting
Hopeful
Positivity
Good thoughts
Glass half full
Putting myself out there
Taking chances and huge risks
Hoping and knowing it will happen
Holding on to that hope so tightly
Believing in myself and going for my dreams
Not allowing anything to hold me back
Knowing I can do great things
Trusting in my own abilities
Reaching for the stars
Never giving up
Deep breath
Jump
Check out NaPoWriMo
Always changing
Moments constantly rearranging
Go with the flow
Or quit living
Just stop
Breathing
Anger
Bitter resentment
Push and pull
Giving more of myself
Throwing it back at me
Pushing me aside for something else
Your burdens are no bigger than mine
But yet I am always wrong
I am always hurt
I keep giving
Never quitting
Hopeful
Positivity
Good thoughts
Glass half full
Putting myself out there
Taking chances and huge risks
Hoping and knowing it will happen
Holding on to that hope so tightly
Believing in myself and going for my dreams
Not allowing anything to hold me back
Knowing I can do great things
Trusting in my own abilities
Reaching for the stars
Never giving up
Deep breath
Jump
Check out NaPoWriMo
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Day 2
I want to succeed
Pushing myself to be more
I was built for this
To be a mother
And a business owner
A college student
I am a wife, too
And a daughter and sister
A friend and a foe
Passionate, joyful
Hopeful, positive, happy
All rolled into me
Frustrated, doubtful
Emotions do not skip me
I keep my head up
I just keep going
One foot in front of the next
Choosing to see good
My soul aches for more
More creativity and
More good in this world
I continue on
The path is not always clear
I want to do good
I want to do more
To give more and to be more
And to mean something
To do something big
To change the world for someone
To be positive
I want to succeed
I will never stop trying
I was built for this
Check out NaPoWriMo to join in - 30 poems in 30 days!
Pushing myself to be more
I was built for this
To be a mother
And a business owner
A college student
I am a wife, too
And a daughter and sister
A friend and a foe
Passionate, joyful
Hopeful, positive, happy
All rolled into me
Frustrated, doubtful
Emotions do not skip me
I keep my head up
I just keep going
One foot in front of the next
Choosing to see good
My soul aches for more
More creativity and
More good in this world
I continue on
The path is not always clear
I want to do good
I want to do more
To give more and to be more
And to mean something
To do something big
To change the world for someone
To be positive
I want to succeed
I will never stop trying
I was built for this
Check out NaPoWriMo to join in - 30 poems in 30 days!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Day 1
I need to get the creative juices flowing. What better than a writing challenge that forces me to break out of my shell and write? I happened across a blog post today about NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month. You may have heard of NaNoWriMo in the past, and this is a twist to that. A poem a day for 30 days. Is poetry my thing? Not at all. I used to write little poems here and there as a kid, and I thought they were all genius. They may have been good for a six year old, but the quality hasn't really improved since then! That's the fun part of this challenge, though, they don't have to be good! They don't have to rhyme or follow any type of rules, they don't even have to be about anything specific. Want to write a poem about equality? Go for it. Want to write a poem about the peanut butter sandwich you had for lunch? Go for it. It's that simple. So I'm going for it. Don't expect anything good. There may be a day that I write about my hatred of peanut butter sandwiches, because the deepest emotion I felt on that particular day was the pure hatred for the substance when I got some on my finger while making my kid a sandwich. It could happen. It probably will happen.
Damn peanut butter.
I'm just going to take the leap and we'll see if it helps jump start the creative train. That's what I'm hoping for.
New Beginnings
First of the month
It's like starting over, again and again
A new page of the calendar to be flipped
Putting the past days and weeks and months behind you
A whole blank page of possibilities awaits
Shedding last month as you shed your skin
Leaving the old, stripping the chains of the past
Moving ahead
Letting go of the people and the places and the memories that hold tightly to your heart
Squeezing your chest and never letting you breathe
Never allowing you to be happy
Letting them slip away
A new month can be a new beginning
A chance to step into the person that you always intended to be
Those blank boxes filled with dates are new chances to get it right
New opportunities to be brave and take a leap
New people and places and memories to fill your heart with love and joy
Today is that day
Don't forget to check out NaPoWriMo and jump in! Be courageous with me!
Damn peanut butter.
I'm just going to take the leap and we'll see if it helps jump start the creative train. That's what I'm hoping for.
New Beginnings
First of the month
It's like starting over, again and again
A new page of the calendar to be flipped
Putting the past days and weeks and months behind you
A whole blank page of possibilities awaits
Shedding last month as you shed your skin
Leaving the old, stripping the chains of the past
Moving ahead
Letting go of the people and the places and the memories that hold tightly to your heart
Squeezing your chest and never letting you breathe
Never allowing you to be happy
Letting them slip away
A new month can be a new beginning
A chance to step into the person that you always intended to be
Those blank boxes filled with dates are new chances to get it right
New opportunities to be brave and take a leap
New people and places and memories to fill your heart with love and joy
Today is that day
Don't forget to check out NaPoWriMo and jump in! Be courageous with me!
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