Did this summer really just fly by? Are we seriously halfway through AUGUST? This is crazy. Ridiculous! I had this big idea of achieving everything on our summer bucket list...
We never even finished writing the bucket list!
What happened?!?!
So maybe this summer wasn't as magical and fun-filled as I had planned. It was filled with a lot of loss, actually, in more than one way. It was not the "best summer EVER" like I had hoped it would be.
I guess that's part of this whole living/parenting thing, right? Not every day goes according to plan.
For a moment this morning, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, and for my kids. Thinking that they have to wait a whole 9 months or so to try this summer thing again.
Then I stopped myself.
Stop the crazy talk, mama!
Why wait 9 months? Why does fun only have to happen in the summer? This may not have been the summer filled with fun trips and play dates and parties and excitement that I had envisioned. That doesn't mean that TODAY can't be fun! Or tomorrow! Or September! Or winter!
School is starting and the fall is almost here. That means fun of a different kind. School events. Apple orchards. Cider mills. Hayrides. Movie nights. Sleepovers. This is fun, too!
So though summer kind of got away from me, you better believe that fall is going to be pretty spectacular. There will be no bucket list to hold over my head, making me feel incompetent and lazy. I can give myself the grief without the list watching me day in and day out.
I did just bookmark a couple websites with ideas for summer bucket lists, though. Maybe we will try again next year. Maybe we won't.
Maybe I will just try and make today special and then go from there.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Sleep, Baby, Sleep
Hello, bloggy world. It has been awhile, eh?
Life sure can get complicated.
Finals. The cold from hell. Family obligations. Softball. T-ball. Breastfeeding this kid all day...and night.
And so.much.more.
It's hard to keep up with life.
I feel like it has been one thing after another since the end of April. I don't know that we are completely out from under all of the obstacles and challenges, but I can finally breathe a little easier and see a small light at the end of the tunnel.
It's small, but it is promising.
I can hold on to anything promising.
I'm trying to grasp on to life as it is right now, trying to catch up, trying to be in control. We have a few more weeks of summer and I want to truly enjoy it. I want to be organized and prepared once school starts for myself and for the two big kids. We have a lot to do.
I have a sleeping baby next to me on the couch. I don't dare move because she senses it and I really needed her to take a good nap today. The other two are running around in their bathing suits squirting water at each other from their baby sister's bath toys. Part of me is impressed with their creativity as they've created an entire world for themselves; the other part of me is horrified at the mess I'm going to have to clean up.
But I will just sit. Let them enjoy. Let the baby sleep. Breathe. Convince myself that I got this whole mommy thing down.
My poker face is pretty good. I can pull it off.
Deep breath.
Life sure can get complicated.
Finals. The cold from hell. Family obligations. Softball. T-ball. Breastfeeding this kid all day...and night.
And so.much.more.
It's hard to keep up with life.
I feel like it has been one thing after another since the end of April. I don't know that we are completely out from under all of the obstacles and challenges, but I can finally breathe a little easier and see a small light at the end of the tunnel.
It's small, but it is promising.
I can hold on to anything promising.
I'm trying to grasp on to life as it is right now, trying to catch up, trying to be in control. We have a few more weeks of summer and I want to truly enjoy it. I want to be organized and prepared once school starts for myself and for the two big kids. We have a lot to do.
I have a sleeping baby next to me on the couch. I don't dare move because she senses it and I really needed her to take a good nap today. The other two are running around in their bathing suits squirting water at each other from their baby sister's bath toys. Part of me is impressed with their creativity as they've created an entire world for themselves; the other part of me is horrified at the mess I'm going to have to clean up.
But I will just sit. Let them enjoy. Let the baby sleep. Breathe. Convince myself that I got this whole mommy thing down.
My poker face is pretty good. I can pull it off.
Deep breath.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
If only I had more hours in the day
There comes a time in life when you need to just move on.
This has been true in many aspects of my life lately. Relationships. Poetry writing. All of it.
I had great expectations of myself. Sure! I can write a poem a day! And take care of my three kids! And finish final projects, papers, and exams for six classes! And start a business! And breathe!
So yeah, something had to go. Bye, poems. I felt a bit of failure this morning thinking about it, and then went on to complete a really amazing project for a business class and I feel much more accomplished with myself.
There's always next year, right?!
So much to say. So much to share. My heart has been overflowing lately. My kids are just incredible. I watched my girls play together yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I watched my two youngest cuddle on the rocking chair today, just the two of them, and I almost cried. I am SO happy! How did I get this blessed? It's such an incredible feeling.
This next week is going to be rough. Finals, finals, finals.
Pray for me.
This has been true in many aspects of my life lately. Relationships. Poetry writing. All of it.
I had great expectations of myself. Sure! I can write a poem a day! And take care of my three kids! And finish final projects, papers, and exams for six classes! And start a business! And breathe!
So yeah, something had to go. Bye, poems. I felt a bit of failure this morning thinking about it, and then went on to complete a really amazing project for a business class and I feel much more accomplished with myself.
There's always next year, right?!
So much to say. So much to share. My heart has been overflowing lately. My kids are just incredible. I watched my girls play together yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I watched my two youngest cuddle on the rocking chair today, just the two of them, and I almost cried. I am SO happy! How did I get this blessed? It's such an incredible feeling.
This next week is going to be rough. Finals, finals, finals.
Pray for me.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Love On
Well. I made it 6 straight days.
Here I am, 7 days later, no new poems.
And let's be honest, at least half of those 6 were last minute.
So to catch up to 30, you lucky ducks will get two a day.
Well, maybe. That seems like quite a bit of effort.
I also noticed I get less views for the poems than I do for a post about how I'm exhausted and my house is a mess.
They must be that bad.
Or you all just relate better to the exhausted, messy house mama.
I hear that.
Respect!
Posts will come later tonight. We are off to celebrate my baby brother's birthday today - the big 21! This lunch will indeed involve alcohol, so that's fun.
For him, I mean. This mama is still breastfeeding, so I'll take in a nice, refreshing water. Party!
This weekend has been amazing. We went to one of my best friend's weddings last night, and it was beautiful and we had a blast. The hubs and I got to go out on our own, talk with friends, dance, and just enjoy each other. All three munchkins stayed with my mom, grandma, and brother and had a fabulous time.
It's wonderful when it all works out like that!
So we've been celebrating love this weekend. And it's good. Love is so good.
Love on, friends. Love. On.
Here I am, 7 days later, no new poems.
And let's be honest, at least half of those 6 were last minute.
So to catch up to 30, you lucky ducks will get two a day.
Well, maybe. That seems like quite a bit of effort.
I also noticed I get less views for the poems than I do for a post about how I'm exhausted and my house is a mess.
They must be that bad.
Or you all just relate better to the exhausted, messy house mama.
I hear that.
Respect!
Posts will come later tonight. We are off to celebrate my baby brother's birthday today - the big 21! This lunch will indeed involve alcohol, so that's fun.
For him, I mean. This mama is still breastfeeding, so I'll take in a nice, refreshing water. Party!
This weekend has been amazing. We went to one of my best friend's weddings last night, and it was beautiful and we had a blast. The hubs and I got to go out on our own, talk with friends, dance, and just enjoy each other. All three munchkins stayed with my mom, grandma, and brother and had a fabulous time.
It's wonderful when it all works out like that!
So we've been celebrating love this weekend. And it's good. Love is so good.
Love on, friends. Love. On.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Day 5
My frustration level grows
I try to push it down
Deeper and deeper
I try not to let their attitudes control my life
I want to scream
I spend too much time crying in my pillow
Too much time lost in pointless emotions
There is no resolve
I cannot fix you
We cannot fix this
I cannot be the only one trying
Let it go
Let it be
Moving on is so hard to do
Letting go is near impossible
Your grip on my heart is painful
I feel suffocated by my grief
I want to go back
Before it happened
But at the same time
I know that I must have been blind before
This doesn't happen overnight
So maybe this is what needed to happen
To open my eyes
To shield my children
I just pray for you
Pray that I won't spent so many hours pitying you
I hope you find joy and happiness
I'm moody tonight. Tomorrow will be happier. I promise.
NaPoWriMo
I try to push it down
Deeper and deeper
I try not to let their attitudes control my life
I want to scream
I spend too much time crying in my pillow
Too much time lost in pointless emotions
There is no resolve
I cannot fix you
We cannot fix this
I cannot be the only one trying
Let it go
Let it be
Moving on is so hard to do
Letting go is near impossible
Your grip on my heart is painful
I feel suffocated by my grief
I want to go back
Before it happened
But at the same time
I know that I must have been blind before
This doesn't happen overnight
So maybe this is what needed to happen
To open my eyes
To shield my children
I just pray for you
Pray that I won't spent so many hours pitying you
I hope you find joy and happiness
I'm moody tonight. Tomorrow will be happier. I promise.
NaPoWriMo
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Day 4
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
Swing from the trees
Let down your hair
Make wild choices
Don't give a care
Love passionately
Speak your mind
Take chances
Always be kind
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
It was a rough day around here. Breakdown after breakdown, from me and from them. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I will kiss them and hug them and whisper in their ears how madly in love with them I truly am. And I will vow to be more patient in the morning. I truly will.
NaPoWriMo
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
Swing from the trees
Let down your hair
Make wild choices
Don't give a care
Love passionately
Speak your mind
Take chances
Always be kind
Listen closely, my little child
Be brave and be bold
Live your dreams
Never grow old
It was a rough day around here. Breakdown after breakdown, from me and from them. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I will kiss them and hug them and whisper in their ears how madly in love with them I truly am. And I will vow to be more patient in the morning. I truly will.
NaPoWriMo
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