Just Write - I'm a Rambler

I had a list of things I wanted to write about this week.

I just can't.

It's hot and I get cranky when it gets hot.

It's only mid-80s, so I'm not feeling positive that I'll be a happy camper all summer long.

I almost kind of wore a dress this week, for the first time since my wedding.

Part of that is because I don't like how I look in dresses. The other part is that I'm just not that girly.

I'm currently wearing a tank top and softball shorts.

I am still in high school, apparently.

But I wore that dress. I did put leggings on underneath. I just had a baby, for crying out loud.

And I wore a sweater over it.

So I guess it was more like just wearing a big shirt?

Either way, I felt good. I'll take it.

The baby is amazing, since we're on the subject. She's 10 weeks old. Would rather sit up than lay down. Babbles away all day long. I'm so, so in love with her!

She also takes naps and sleeps pretty well at night. Not all the way through the night or anything, but nice stretches, and she goes right back to sleep within just a few minutes of nursing.

She's wonderful.

I have a brief moment of time right now to do whatever I want. I should do dishes or laundry or sneak in a shower or nap, but I'm so content on just sitting still and breathing.

It feels so good.

My motivation to get things done is slowly slinking back in.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day.

Linking up with Just Write

You Capture - Life

This week the "You Capture" theme was life.

I now cannot stop singing Our Lady Peace's song. Oh life is waiting for you....

This first picture of life is from this pretty bush outside our back door. When we first moved in, it really looked like a big pile of junk. I was so pleasantly surprised this spring when flowers started blooming. This color is gorgeous! Shows me not to judge a book by its cover. 

And here is a picture of life as a four year old sees it...

Linking up with You Capture

Ramblings

Hello, summer, is that you??

It sure feels like it. Turned the air conditioning on in the house today!

I'm done with school.

Just a few more weeks and Tee is done with school.

Summer is truly around the corner!

We spent some time outside today getting the yard put together. Hubs moved and edged, and then put together the kids' jungle gym. It's beat up now, and probably won't survive another move, but oh how they love it!

Even baby Gray came outside with us to enjoy the sunshine. She sat in her bouncer in the shade taking it all in.

I'm just imagining late summer nights out in the yard, playing and laughing together.

Yeah, summer, I'm ready for you.

(Stay tuned: beginning this week there will be some new exciting stuff on the blog! A little project I've been working on that I'm excited to put out there!)

Spotlight...Baby Gray!

Back again! We've been so busy with our new little one, who is now two months old! Can it possibly have already been two months now? It's so hard to believe!

I've got some new ideas for the blog. We'll see how it goes. The best laid plans, of course!

I've decided on Saturdays (or, perhaps, more often, or less!) I'm going to "spotlight" a person or item or place that I find intriguing. Today's spotlight...my new baby! :)

She is such a joy. It's been interesting to do this newborn thing again. It's been four years since Bam was born, which didn't seem like that long a go, but gosh, I really had forgotten how hard it can be! The first two weeks were hell. Pure hell. I'm breastfeeding for the first time and I was not ready to be the only person waking up with her to feed her in the middle of the night and the only person at home all day with Bam and the only person putting Bam and Tee to bed at night while trying to nurse a baby...

Yeah, it wasn't pretty.

But, as it always goes, we got through it! Day 3 was honestly my breaking point, but the hubby stepped up and helped me through it. He was awesome. I called him, sobbing, begging him to stop and bring home formula because I was done. Yes, I was that desperate. Instead, he came home with a breast pump and cooling gel pads (or, as I call them, heaven!). He told me he believed in me and that I could do it, and I am so grateful for that. It's really what I needed to get over the edge. (And seriously, those pads? Freaking AMAZING. Best thing ever invented!)

(Also...haven't really used that pump yet! Tried it once, and both of us laughed hysterically like we were children...it was hilarious to watch the milk coming out! Need some amusement? Rent a breast pump!)

I was exhausted for about the first two weeks, and then we finally fell into sync. I'm still tired now, no she does not sleep through the night, but it's just more manageable. In fact, I already miss her very cute little brand new baby things! This is why us crazy mamas have more than one baby...we forget about the pain and exhaustion pretty darn quickly!

Plus, they are so stinkin' cute! She really is adorable. At 8 weeks old, she is smiling back at us now, and it melts my heart. Bam and Tee adore her. Tee probably the most. She has such great plans for them as sisters. Matching outfits, bunk beds, best friends for life! Bam likes to hold her sometimes, thinks she's really cute, but he's got other things to do. He'll pay attention when she starts getting into his things!

She's got her daddy wrapped around her little finger already. He takes her from me as soon as he walks in from work at night. She'll lay in his lap and stare at him and smile.

And me? I'm in love. Her smell is intoxicating. Her smile is delicious.  I just can't get enough of her! We're pretty much joined at the hip because of this whole nursing thing, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There's plenty of time for us to be apart as she gets older. For now, I'm soaking in every second of baby-ness that I can get.

So that's our little Gray! The newest addition to our family. I already can't imagine our lives without her!

Here we are - plus one!

So here we are. Three weeks and one day since the most beautiful little girl entered into our family. She's amazing. I'm so in love with her!

Things are still a little crazy and chaotic here. In my head, I figured a third kid was no big deal. What's one more, right? Easy!

Not quite.

But it's good. It's a good chaos. Filled with lots and lots of love.

And sweet new baby-ness! :)

My oldest is just smitten with her new baby sister. She can hardly stand being away from her for a second. The first thing she does when she comes home from school is get her hands on the baby. She's constantly asking to hold her, willingly (and without being asked!) will entertain her during a diaper change or while I'm trying to get dinner on the table. It melts my heart watching their relationship blossom.

The boy, well, he loves her, definitely, but he can do without her just the same. He'll hold her for no more than 30 seconds at a time before he's ready to go do his own thing. Oh to be four and have so much to do! :) He does come up to her several times a day, kisses her on the cheek, and will tell me how she's the prettiest baby. He has had a few moments where he's cried, saying he wished he could be a "little squishy baby", but a cuddle and a kiss from mama and he's moved on. :)

I'm just a happy, exhausted ball of hormones right now. I'm a mess. At the same time, I'm deliriously happy. I'm trying to enjoy each second of these newborn days. I cannot believe it has already been over three weeks.

(I do miss sleeping, though!!)

Odds and Ends

I have such big plans for this blog, and for life here in our little world. Everything seems to have been put on the back burner for now. I'm a little sad, because I want to DO so much, but I know these are things I will get to when the time is right.

I've glanced over into the bedroom a few times this morning, and every time I am surprised to see a crib up against the wall. The hubs built it yesterday. Wow, does it make things real! Somebody is going to SLEEP in that thing!

So, life is on hold, and I'm trying to be patient. Less than two weeks until her due date. That's it. After what seemed like the longest pregnancy EVER...here we are. Less than two weeks away. Essentially, I could go into labor right now. While I'm typing this.

I'm not, unfortunately.

Rumor has it they all come out eventually, so I'm just trying to be patient.

I'm going to be mom to THREE kids in the next few weeks. THREE! I feel like I am already, but for now I'm not having to dress the 3rd one or make sure she's fed or changed or whatever. She's handy like that. But juggling three in-the-flesh kiddos? I'm sometimes overwhelmed at the thought.

It's also pretty exhilarating! I always envisioned myself with a huge house full of kids. So we're getting there!

So much I want to do. To be. Dreams are just flowing.

This baby doesn't necessarily change them, just lets them simmer for a bit longer in my head.

So there it is, why I haven't been as present here as much as I had intended. Why I might not be present here for a few weeks more.

Growing a life can take a lot out of you! :)

Six Years Later

Yesterday was a hard day for me.

It was the 6th anniversary of my grandpa's death.

I don't know why the 6th anniversary seemed harder than the 4th or the 5th. Maybe it's because I'm a cranky, huge, hormonal pregnant woman. I woke up very aware of what the day was and meant, but I could not figure out why I was so gosh darn moody.

I yelled. A lot. For silly things. I apologized. A lot. And then apologized some more.

I cried most of the morning. I spent a lot of time thinking about what could have been.

I joked about being okay for him to visit me. Believe whatever you believe, but over the last six years there have been odd occurrences that can only be explained by a visit from my grandpa.

Usually, I will say something on facebook, on a phone call to my mom, out loud into the universe, telling my grandpa that I love him and I miss him, but I'm totally cool with NOT seeing him.

It freaks me out.

Well, for some reason yesterday, I didn't say that. My mom even noted I seemed more at ease about him showing up. I laughed and said I hope he showed up and washed my dishes. (he did not do them, unfortunately, they are still staring at me and laughing)

I stood in the kitchen, making my little guy some lunch. He asked to watch Scooby Doo while he was waiting, which sounded like a good idea to me, and it happened to me on TV at that moment. So, back to the kitchen I go. A few minutes later, while SD was supposed to still be on, I hear a very familiar voice, "I say, I say, listen here, boy!"

I literally froze in my tracks. I would have sworn to you that voice was my grandfather's.

I gingerly peeked around the corner to the living room, and instead of Scooby on the television, there was Foghorn Leghorn. Now, I can't even tell you the last time I saw that show! Years, easily! I grabbed the remote and pulled up the guide, and nope, no indication whatsoever that Foghorn Leghorn would be on at that time. It was supposed to be Scooby Doo. I was dumbfounded.

My grandpa could do a perfect impersonation of Foghorn Leghorn.

In fact, the last time I heard any phrase in that voice was out of his mouth. I get chills just thinking about it again.

From that moment on, the rest of the day, I was at ease. Everything was okay.

And next year, I'll be more specific. I don't want to see OR hear dead people in my house!

I think he just likes to keep me on my toes. And honestly? Little reminders like that make me smile and put my heart at ease. I know he is watching over us. I'm grateful for how well he loved me while he was still here, and the lessons he taught me just by living his life the way he did.

He is a pretty incredible person. I'm very lucky to be one of the four people who had the privilege of calling him "Grandpa."