Struggling

Struggling to keep up with life this week. I haven't done much of what I had planned. That means no blog posts (obviously), little homework read, etc.

But I have done something more important. I've done a lot of cuddling with my babies. I've enjoyed the kicks and apparent dance parties this little one inside me partakes in at all hours of the night. I've enjoyed just existing. Which has been nice.

But I'm so, so tired.

Exhausted, really.

I read some comment this week about how you don't get much sleep at this stage of your pregnancy because your body is getting you ready to be up all hours of the night feeding the baby.

I'm calling BS on that one.

I think my body should be allowing me to SLEEP while I still CAN.

Please, please, please. Just a little sleep.

My eyes are closing while I type this.

35 weeks along tomorrow. I feel like the little engine that could...

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

5 more weeks. I can handle 5 more weeks. Sure. No problem. 5 weeks. No biggie.

I'm probably going to cry now.

Just a few more weeks...

I wonder what it is going to be like...

To be 5 instead of 4.

I get annoyed because I can't sleep anymore and bending down to pick things up hurts, and why can't these kids put their stuff away? Or at least not in the walkway?

I feel huge and I'm cranky and emotional and why does this seem to be taking forever?

Then I think about my oldest. How incredibly creative she is, and full of life, and oh so sensitive! I miss her baby days, her chubby little feet and hands, her head full of curls. Her cuddles, her "mama, hold you!" when she wanted to be held, how her smile just lit up the room. It still does, in fact.

Then I think about my baby boy. How much fun he is! He plays and imagines and creates these incredible worlds that he just dives right into, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, he'll invite me to join along. He's starting to slowly move away from being my baby, and my heart aches for just another cheek-to-cheek hug, just one more nap in my arms. He still adores me, and I'm holding on to that with everything I have.

Then I think about our new baby. What will she be like? Will she have curly hair like her sister, or straight hair like her brother? Will she have blue eyes like me and her siblings? Or will she be like her dad and have green eyes? Will she want me to rock her to sleep like her sister did? Or will she only want her daddy, like her brother did?

I know one thing for sure, she is going to light up our entire world. She's the missing piece we didn't even know we were missing.

So even though I am incredibly sore and tired and just so over this whole pregnancy thing, I remember that I felt this exact same way when I was pregnant with the other two. And more importantly, I do remember that once I hold that baby in my arms, I'm going to forget about this moment when I feel so overwhelmed that I want to curl up and cry.

I got this. Just a few more weeks.

~ linking up with Just Write

Happy New Year!

Another year has come and gone. It's amazing how slow life seemed when I was my daughter's age, and how terribly fast it is flying by now!

This coming year is full of so much anticipation. Work changes, home changes, and the biggest change of all? Our littlest girl will be making her grand appearance in the next few months!

I crave to make so many changes in my life, in the life of my family. Health changes. Food changes. And so much more.

I want to be present in the moment, not wondering, planning, thinking, stressing about something else.

I'm going to be giving up something I love doing so much for something that I love even more.

It's hard to let go.

But its so exhilarating to move on!

I will cherish and treasure the moments, the people that mean so much to me.

Happy 2012 to everyone!